You just had a baby, Yay! Congratulations on your beautiful Squish. If you're struggling with anxiety in this time (first year after baby's birth), then you are among 1 in 5 women who have "postpartum anxiety". This can manifest as constant worrying, racing thoughts, feeling unable to relax or sit still, and sleep & appetite disruptions. Just what you needed to get through the first year, amiright? Yeah, right. Anyways, I struggled with this too. And after 3 kids, and over a decade of doing this work, I am here to share my wisdom with you.
1. Prioritize Self-Care
Eat food that makes you feel good and gives you energy. Keep pantry staples stashed in your nursing or napping locations (or anywhere you sit down). Keep fruits and veggies cut up in the fridge, ready to grab.
Drink water regularly. Keep a water bottle stashed in the same "sit down" spots as your snacks. Keep one in the bathroom. Seriously, out with the old, in with the new!
Sleep when you have the opportunity. With your first baby, this might be the old adage of "sleep when the baby sleeps". With second or third (etc) babies, this will be a reliable nap at noon or 2p or whatever times you end up finding.
Do something for yourself at least once a day. Even small increments of time doing things like reading, crafting, or relaxing can boost your mood and reduce stress.
Schedule a time to shower. This brought me so much peace during the day, and gave me something to look forward to. When my partner came home, after he got a few minutes to himself, he would take over and I could go take my shower. I scheduled my feeds to line up with the before & after so I didn't have to miss one - pumping is the worst. You do this however you are able with whatever support you have.
2. Establish a Routine
This was easier to set as a goal that I worked towards rather than a checklist item. Having a morning routine, a naptime routine, and a bedtime routine help your baby. So why not have routines (again) that help you?
Wake up before the baby and get some things done. Checking a few items off you list before the day starts helps you feel productive and proactive. This one always carries a caveat though: If sleep is your first priority, this step should be skipped.
Doing things in the same time period helps you remember to do them (baby brain, hello), and again makes you feel more productive. Get that dopamine!
With your support person, create a tidy time where you both spend a couple minutes tidying. Doing work together with this person will remind you both that you are really doing this work together. A baby can disrupt a relationship & make one person feel as though they are doing more of the housework or caregiving or whichever. This combats that.
3. Get Support
Babies take up a lot of time. But they're also boring to talk to. Finding support in a few avenues will remind you that you are funny, interesting, and smart. Even when you're covered in spit-up.
Support groups are available in your community or online for free. Check out the MANY options available to you at PSI https://www.postpartum.net/get-help/
Most libraries have a baby storytime. Use it to talk to grown ups.
If you're spiritual, Mothers Of PreSchoolers (MOPS) is now MomCo. They're a time-tested model of support.
4. Practice Mindfulness
As much as I hate to say it, deep breathing really did help. During times I felt especially anxious, I tried Guided Meditation or Progressive Muscle Relaxation. They didn't eliminate the anxiety but it reduced it to a more manageable level.
Mindfulness is also the practice of being. Just being in the moment. So no special tips here, just remind yourself that this moment now is the most important place to be. And be there.
5. Stay Active
Staying active was essential for my mental health. Obviously, being tired all the time doesn't encourage activity. But taking the time to do a 20 minute Yoga video on youtube (Adreine is the best!) or walking around the Target just to walk/not shop helped. Exercise has been a time-tested way to combat anxiety for most people.
Absolutely do not focus on losing weight or changing your body! That can be a priority for future you, with a toddler.
Movement is supposed to be fun and engaging. Find something you enjoy doing and make it a regular practice.
If you can't find dedicated time for those things, try just stretching. That also reduces tension and increases blood flow. Which your brain needs remember?
6. Limit Information Overload
In today’s world, we are bombarded with parenting advice and opinions. It is essential to limit your information intake, especially around your anxiety triggers (safety, health,
Curate your social media feeds to show you happy stuff like puppies, cats, and babies.
Choose a few parenting "experts" or influencers to follow and delete the rest.
Limit your intake of the News to less than 20 minutes a day. Or don't look at it at all. Ignorance is bliss after all.
7. Embrace Imperfection
Everyone has bad days. Yours do not define you as a parent. I had to constantly remind myself that I was allowed and expected to mess things up for a while since I was new at this.
Set reasonable expectations for yourself
"Good Enough" parenting is like gentle parenting for yourself. Which I promise you need.
Find at least three ways to accept or ask for help. These can be things you hate doing, can't do physically, etc. Most people (especially seasoned parents) know how to support other families in the post partum time. If they offer a meal, TAKE IT. There are no awards for "Doing it all myself". You'll burn out.
Finding Your Way Through
There, now you have my years of experience and nuggets of wisdom so you can apply these to your own journey. Again, this is a journey, not a destination. I want you to remember some of this time.
Self-care is unique to the individual so there may be nuggets you have that I didn't name. Great! Share those in the comments. I'd love to hear what worked for you.
To all the anxious mamas out there, let's support each other and find ways to cope together!
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